Starstruck by Sachin

Thursday, April 2, 2009

So I had this customer phone me right, and the conversation went a little something like this...

"Hay, I've got this really great photo and I want to get it enlarged. I took it on my cellphone coz that's all I had at the time, but it's a really good quality photo coz my phone's really good aye. I can't believe it! It's just a one-in-a-million picture. I just happened to be in the same hotel as him and I came out of the elevator and there he was and I was like, I have to get a picture. It's a one-in-a-million I'm telling you. So can you edit this pic and make me look less star-struck? I just can't believe it aye..."

and so on and so forth for about 5 minutes

Here's the original pic that he sent me

I was trying really hard not to crack up while I was on the phone, but I managed not too. But when he emailed me through the picture, well, I just about fell off my chair. For starters, I had absolutely no clue who Sachin Tendulkar was, but also the photo was such bad quality you wouldn't be able to print it any more than a couple of inches high max! And for those of you who don't work with photo restoration, you probably won't care two hoots about this post, but it sure made my day thinking about some of the hilarious people we get coming through our doors.

And here's the finished product (haha)

And just who is Sachin Tendulkar? Well I "wikipediaed" it and found out that he's actually a really famous cricketer who plays for India (for those into cricket). He was in New Zealand when they played us on March 18th. He is ambidextrous and he is the most prolific run scorer in one-day internationals with 16,684 runs. Sachin was also elected Wisden Cricketer of the Year in 1997 and is ranked by the objective scoring method of the Wisden 100 as the second best test batsman and best ODI batsman of all time.
His father is A Marathi novelist (मराठी Marāṭhī is an Indo-Aryan language spoken in western India and is the official language of the state of Maharashtra. There are 90 million fluent speakers worldwide. Marathi is the 4th most spoken language in India and the 15th most spoken language in the world). Tendulkar sponsors 200 underprivileged children every year and has recently joined a 'save the tiger' campaign. Riveting.

Only in America....

Friday, December 12, 2008

These are actual names of towns in the US. I am dead serious! Check out the site for more details on the reasoning behind their names. My personal favourite is this one:

Why, Arizona, USA

Why would they name this town Why? Why is the ocean blue? Why is the Earth round?

So many questions…

… so little time.

This town was named for a Y-shaped intersection of state Highways 85 and 86.

The spelling was changed from “Y” to “Why” after the residents had petitioned for a post office. The state required that the name be spelled differently.

Here are some of the other ones...

Bigfoot, Texas

Bonanza, Colorado

Celebration, FL

Chicken, Alaska

Climax, Michigan

Cut and Shoot, Texas

Deadhorse, Alaska

Ding Dong, Texas

Earth, Texas

Egypt, Texas

Frostproof, Florida

Gun Barrel City, Texas

Half.com, Oregon

Happy, Texas

Hell, Michigan

Holy Moses, Colorado

Hot Coffee, Missouri

Humansville, Missouri

Hygiene, Colorado

Jot 'em Down, Texas

Knockemstiff, Ohio

Last Chance, Colorado

Looneyville, Texas

Mary's Igloo, Alaska

Monkey's Eyebrow, Arizona

Nameless, Texas

Needmore, Texas

Ninety-Six, South Carolina

Nothing, Arizona

Notrees, Texas

Okay, Oklahoma

Santa Claus, Indiana

Shorter, Alabama

Smackover, Arkansas

Sopchoppy, Florida

Study Butte, Texas

Toad Suck, Arkansas

Truth Or Consequences, New Mexico

Two Egg, Florida

Valentine, Texas

Waterproof, Louisiana

The one with Patrick's favourite colour...

Monday, October 6, 2008

As you probably already know, most people will say that I'm not a very "normal" person (whatever that means). I grew up with two brothers, was a bit of a tom-boy, lived in Maunu/Maungatapere (which was considered the whop whops back then), our family didn't have very much money & the Gartons and the Randersons (Mum's family) were (and still are) a little bit, or probably even a whole heap crazy (according to some). I don't think my dad will ever grow up no matter how old he gets!

We got almost all of our clothes from the Sallys (this explains my love of op-shopping), my cousins or even the dump on some occasions. Those were the days: when you didn't have to pay for the dump and you could take whatever you wanted! We found tyres, old bikes, and all sorts of goodies there.

Most of my childhood was lived outdoors or playing computer games. I was climbing almost before I could walk and when I was in trouble or things were just too much, my haven became my favourite trees. I love adventure and the adrenaline of doing things that are just a little bit crazy. You can hear about our antics HERE.

Now I am not your typical girly girl (yes Jacksta, I know what you're thinking tehehe). For example, until about 4 years ago, I probably only owned about 10 (if that) soft toys all up. Now my collection is rather large due to a friend of mine who was really good at those claw machines. My only times playing with dolls was when my mates came over (which was hardly ever as we lived so far out of town back then) or when I could convince Stephen (who was not very old at the time, so go on easy on the bloke) to rearrange the doll's house (that I built myself) with me. Pretty much most of the time I just did whatever my brothers were into at the time & hated sleepovers because they meant a bunch of screaming hyperactive girls gossiping about who liked who! You can read about the best sleepover I've ever had HERE.

After about the age of 10 I began to despise the colour pink, hated wearing dresses & would grab any opportunity for a fight (just ask Kevin for more info on this; I'm sure he'd be dying to tell you). This continued right up till the age of about 16 or 17 probably, when I started to be asked to perform at weddings (which meant I had to wear a dress). Then, the unthinkable happened, I went to buy a pair of jandals and the only colour they had in my size was PINK! So I took the plunge, and to this day, everytime I wear something pink I get comments on it. So maybe it will grow on me, maybe not, I don't know. But I do know this: wearing pink IS NOT the ultimate crime, it doesn't mean I have to suddenly turn into one of those "ooh let's paint our toenails and talk about boys" type of girls... And that's my spiel for the day :)

Where there's a will, there's Jon Dylan...

Friday, September 12, 2008

6 o'clock. He was late. I had waited for Stephen for about 45 minutes, to finish packing for his snowboarding trip which should have happened the night before, so we could leave to set up mum's surprise birthday dinner. Needless to say, I left without him and Jeni & I proceeded to set stuff up by ourselves. We arranged the barn perfectly with everything that was needed for a bbq at the beach. It was a great night for it: Wet, dark & on a farm with no waves! But Jeni came up with an absolute brainwave - she simply painted a mural of some sand and water & hung it on the back of the barn! Added to this a few hay bales, bucket and spade, jandals, sunblock and you're all set.

By this time it's now about half six and so I ring Dad who says yup they're leaving in 5 and to start the barbeque...

Ever tried cooking homekill sausages (which don't cook very well) on a barbeque outside, in the dark, in the rain with tools that don't work, after vowing that you will never ever cook on a bbq coz it's a man's job? No, neither had I until now.

I am not normally sexist by the way, there are just some things I reckon that women shouldn't be allowed to do due to the general health and safety of all living creatures great and small! Speak in church, absolutely; Operate a bbq, no way. Don't get me wrong now, I love to cook and have been doing so since I was 11 years old, but I believe I can say without any hesitation, that I was right about my theory all along and this is one job I will definitely be leaving to the men.

So anyway, I figured, well how hard can it be, and proceeded to cook the meat. It went a little something like this:

1. Light the bbq. Ok, this part's pretty easy.

2. Throw the meat on the bbq. Yup still doing ok.

3. Watch out for oil and water off pre-cooked sausages throwing flames into the air and almost taking out eyeballs. (Note to self, buy shop pre-cooked sausages next time instead of doing it yourself)

4. Attempt to turn chops and sausages with a useless pair of tongs that don't grip.

5. Flag utensils and use fingers (Gary Adams, I hope you're not watching).

6. Burn fingers.

7. Try to turn meat again with useless tongs.

8. Can't see whether meat needs turning or not coz it's pitch black and can't find torch so have to figure out how to get old-school kerosene lantern working which hadn't been used for 10 years.

9. Wipe 10 years of dust off and fill with kerosene.

10. Throw away 6 matches which won't light coz they're budget.

11. Hold top of lantern up with one hand, hold matchbox between legs and strike match with free hand.

12. Hastily remove lantern away from eyes as wick was too far out and kerosene creates a lot of smoke.

13. Remember to turn meat.

14. Step away from bbq as flames jump 2 feet high from reacting to the water again (I took physics in high school, not chemistry - what else can I say).

15. Repeat process three or four times while muttering annoyances at Stephen under breath.

16. Hastily repent before the flames actually reach their target and do some damage.

17. Remove hopefully cooked meat from barbeque and put in oven while waiting....

So when the others finally arrive and we get to eat (it's now about 7:30) I find surprisingly, it actually tasted ok. It wasn't burnt, under-cooked or too well-done! So thanks Stephen, for allowing me to have this experience of a lifetime, just please don't do it again anytime soon!

Club JJ

Monday, August 25, 2008

Ok so there's this club. It's unofficially called JJ's Club.


So far, it has a few members, namely:

Jon Dylan (Host)

Jase (Co-founder)

Owen (Co-operative participator)

Jed (Co-operative entertainer)

Kate (white and nerdy commentator)

Les (top badge maker)

Mawson (jam maker)

Jamie (super keen, online, washing hanger, insane line dancer, hanging by a moment mate)

If you want to join, you need to sign here....................................

and here...........................

oh, and here too................................................

All proceeds will go into the contents of Perplexual's pockets.

Everyone's a winner.

For more info check out the link below:

http://www.yougrowgirl.com/thedirt/2007/10/05/the-great-canadian-garlic-nerd-fest/

Linus & Lionel

Friday, August 15, 2008

MY NEW FLATMATES!

As a surprise for a belated birthday present, I got given these two fish. Not being one to name things like this (I hardly ever named my soft toys or things like that as a kid) my suggestions of Fish 1 and Fish 2 were violently opposed. So, after much deep thought and deliberation (all of about 2 seconds), they are now called Linus and Lionel. And if they turn out to be females (but who can be bothered checking) then I will promptly rename them Linda & Lionette just to be PC (not mac). My goal is to try and keep them alive for longer than 2 months. I'll keep you posted. Maybe. They look quite good in their little tank except you can't play with them! What's the point of a pet you can't play with? I would rather be catching them off a boat then looking at them swimming around. But however, I may grow to love them in time and miss them when I go away. Who knows, for another world could be possible after all...

The one with the bad hair day...

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Ever woken up and broken a comb in your hair? Had a fight with your follicles and lost? Tried to tame the affro and failed miserably? I must say, I've been pretty blessed with the hair genes that I've been given and surprisingly a lot of girls envy my "almost never needs a straightener" hair. But occasionally I wake up and am almost scared to look in the mirror! Well I managed to capture this pic of one such occasion and thought I'd share it with the world just to say, you are not alone...

Just kidding, I will take one someday though, just for kicks

The one with the surprise...

Monday, July 21, 2008

Since I have this obsession with photocopiers, I found some more videos that just rock! Here we go...





And another one...




Ahhh, I just love it

The one with the guffaw...

Friday, July 18, 2008

Q: Why did the Babybel Cheese factory become more religiously important than any other shrine in the world?
A: Because it was reported that Baby Cheeses was spotted there.

*OH DEAR*

Attention all bloggers: What do greasy, acne ridden computer geeks get? A: Blog Spots. Aha ha, ha okso that wasn't very funny. Anyway, I was inspired (or uninspired - take your pick) by Dave Wiggins lame "drum" jokes the other night and found this blog on homemade jokes... I've posted a few of my favourites just for a laugh. Go ahead, I dare you!

Q: What was the problem with the perfect house?
A: It was floorless.

Q: How did the motorist feel about the penalty they were given for driving too fast?
A: Fine.

Q: What do nuclear physicists put in their flower beds?
A: Depleted geraniums

Q: What type of mobile phones do puppets use?
A: Pinnokias

Q: What is Tiger Wood's favourite snack?
A: Chip puttie and a cup of Tee.

Q: Why is Tiger Woods so good at editing on an Apple Mac?
A: Because he's a Final Putt Pro.

- I just loved this one. Yup I'm weird, I know and the next one's not bad either. You'll either laugh or cry

Q: Why does my computer's hard disk think its a sucessful musician?
A: Becuase its got lots of gigs.

Q: What do you call a serviette that sings Jazz?
A: Napkin Cole.

Woman: I went to the Channel Islands at the weekend. It was so cold I had to put on an extra layer of clothing.
Man: Jersey?
Woman: No, I think it was a tank top.

Q: Which designer label likes to climb steep slopes?
A: Calv Incline

Q: Why are squirrels so jealous of teachers?
A: Because they are not invited to the NUT conference.

Q: Why don't the Police like emails?
A: Because they like to stick to the fax.

Q: What type of potato chips do Muslim leaders eat?
A: Sultan Vinegar

Q: What type of potato chips do the mafia eat?
A: Mobster Munch

Q: What type of potato chips do depressed people eat?
A: Sour Cream & Cryves

Q: What type of potato chips do bookworms eat?
A: Read-y Salted

Q: What type of potato chips do non-vegetarians eat?
A: Chicken

Q: What did the Tomato say to the chip as he passed him in a running race?
A: Ketch-up

Q: What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
A: Irrelephant.

I met a little man with a beard and pointed hat the other day. He was holding a little fishing rod.
"Hello little man," I said, "What sort of creature are you?"
"Can't talk, tick tock tick tock," he said, "I've got to catch a train on the Paris underground, tick tock tick tock tick tock."
He was a metro-gnome.

Q: Which feline is inconsequential?
A: A Meerkat.

Q: Why did so many people want to meet the laziest man in the world?
A: Because he was into resting.

"You know Yazoo?" she asked me.
"What?!" I replied. "I have a zoo?"

Q: What do spacemen play when bored.?
A: Astro-naughts and Crosses.

Yup another pointless post. Glad you said it. Until next time, keep laughing...

The one with the stress...

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Sometimes, after a really bad day at work, violence can cure a lot of things. Probably not the best advice coming from a "wise" youth leader who people are supposed to look up to (haha), but hay, nobody's perfect! So, after 2 weeks of not being able to sleep properly, 3 days of the photocopier not feeding paper properly and jamming constantly (due to humid Northland weather probably), the guillotine falling apart on me, too much stress and a really bad headache, I decided I needed to write a post on the cure for stress. It really works. Honest (roll eyes now). You should try it. It's really fun. Over and out.

The one with the superglue...

Monday, July 14, 2008

I cut my finger in the guillotine last Wednesday. Who cares that it wasn't on my right hand so I could still write. The fact that it was the forefinger on my left hand meant that I couldn't play guitar properly. This caused me great pain and I almost cried. Almost. Except being a girl, I don't cry. Because real girls don't cry. Fullstop. End of story. So I was at a loose end as to what to do seeing I was to play at Flame that Friday and then again on Sunday at church. This wise man had a great idea. He said, have you tried superglue? So I did. I pasted a bit of superglue over the cut, waited for it to dry (in the meantime wishing I was one of those girls who carried around her hairdrier with her), and watched my finger miraculously harden. And why did I do it you may ask? Because I'll try anything once. Because I'm nuts. No arguments there. And it actually worked! I was so excited about it afterwards that I now carry aroung a tube of superglue in my "downsized" bag (that doesn't have room for pliers anymore, sigh) for whenever the moment calls. Never mind that my finger took twice as long to heal, probably as a result of all the toxins in the glue seeping into my finger, running through my bloodstream like a raging river carrying poisonous waste and contaminating everything it touches. Never mind all that. I got to play guitar and that's all that matters. So there you have it. Superglue works. More pointless posts coming your way...

Time is of the essence

Thursday, July 10, 2008

I was thinking the other day about the saying, Time is money or money is time and I started wondering whether or not I or the business would be any richer if I didn't do any of these "time-wasters". I conducted a "statistical poll" (don't ask me if that makes logical sense or not because I'm sure nobody, including me, can understand my logic) based on my normal working week and multiplied by a workspan of 50 years (or 104000 hours)...

- Time spent driving to work (why drive when you could fly?)
2600 hours = app $33,070
- Time spent waiting at traffic lights (they should invent underground pedestrian tunnels)
2167 hours = app $27,560
- Time spent reheating coffee cup after being interupted (one day I plan to design a "never go cold" coffee mug)
1300 hours = app $16,530
- Time spent answering phonecalls (i hate talking on the phone; give me email anyday)
10833 hours = app $137,790
- Time spent redoing a job cause I stuffed it up (oh for Heaven when I can be perfect - except then I won't have to work for a living so it defeats the purpose)
26000 hours = app $330,720
- Time spent eating (such a boring past-time)
10800 hours = app $137,370
- Time spent on the toilet (yup nuf said)
2100 hours = app $26,710
- Time spent checking Internet Banking (I've decided I'll marry a millionaire and never have to worry about money again - then again, who wants to get married lol)
1080 hours = app $13,730
- Time spent on Renewal Youth Website (nope can't give this one up)
4330 hours = app $55,080

So if I cut out all the time-wasters from my day then I would have about 61,210 spare hours over the course of 50 years to spend on work and therefore technically save the company app. $778,560 over 50 years. That works out at $299.45 per week. WOW! I could pay off my mortgage quicker! More pointless posts coming your way soon...